The Jenkins Beer Blog: August 2011

Monday, August 29, 2011

Old Chub Scotch Ale

(Oskar Blues Brewery, Colorado US, 8.0% EtOH)

Bwa ha ha! Ok, no penis jokes, I swear. Instead...

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away...

(Random person to Scotsman) Hey, your mother-in-law called while you were out. (Scotsman) Oh? (Random person): Yeah, she said to tell you BAAAAAAAAA!

The Scottish adaptation of a famous Rolling Stones song? Hey, McCloud, get of of my Ewe!

Have you heard of the latest Scottish sex aid? Velcro gloves.

I hear the Scottish have a new use for Sheep! Wool.

Why are there women in Scotland? Apparently sheep can't cook....

By the way, in case you're not getting the phrases on the top of a can of Old Chub, you need to go see So I Married an Axe Murderer. Unless you just hate Mike Myers.

Lot of flavor-taste in this wacky libation. It's rich with caramel nuances, malts, and smoked peat-boggy goodness, if that's your thing. Definitely for those with a particular taste in beer, or if you want a beer that somehow compliments your glass of scotch.

3 Jenkins (Bless me bagpipes!)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Storm King Stout

(Victory Brewing Co., Downingtown, PA 9.1% EtOH)

The last time I tried this, I was so blindly intoxicated in a bar that I might as well have been drinking boiled rabbit urine for all I could taste. For all its medicinal properties, however, boiled rabbit urine doesn't hold a candle to this stuff as far as drinkability and overall smell are concerned.

Storm King has expected espresso and chocolate flavors, deep roastiness (is that a real word?) with a mild bitter finish to linger on the back of your tongue. It's a little on the fizzy side in my opinion, and lacks the viscosity I typically look for in a good stout. It is otherwise well balanced though, and you won't notice the 9.1% abv until it is far, far too late. In essence, a nice brew that will get you slobbering drunk approximately twice as fast as your average stout.

3.5 Jenkins (The brewery of choice for the Allied powers)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Sierra Nevada Tumbler Autumn Ale

(Sierra Nevada Brewing Co., California, EtOH 5.5%)

A rich, sweet, malty brown with a faintly smoky note midway through that finishes with a residual nuttiness. So many brown ales I've partaken of end up tasting like seltzer water with caramel coloring, I was ecstatic to meet one with such character. In fact, if this beer was a person, I'd let him have his way with my daughter. Or her have her way with my daughter. Or her have her or him have his or them have their way with...my...son? This train has derailed.

A solid offering by Sierra Nevada, and I do hope they continue producing it.

4 Jenkins (what can brown do for you?)

Hennepin

(Duvel Moortgat, Belgium, 7.7% EtOH)

When a Belgian fellow is at the end of a long day of yardwork in front of his Yurt or Igloo or whatever, he settles down on the couch, turns the channel to his favorite team's competitive tetherball match, and cracks open a Hennepin. A "Belgian Budweiser" per se. A mediocre beer of the people.

Having revealed my glaring knowledge gap when it comes to Belgian culture, I can now press on to the review. Mix macrobrewed American pilsner with bottle conditioning, and behold, you have Hennepin. You're going to save a lot of money just drinking a Michelob while sniffing breadmaking yeast. Of course, you can always pour your (insert favorite cheap pilsner here) into this bottle with a funnel over and over again, out of site of any party guests you're trying to impress. Voilà! Totally classy, and imagine the savings!

2 Jenkins (If I want Milwaukee's Best, I'll buy Milwaukee's best)

...Ok I feel bad, that was pretty harsh.

Duchesse de Bourgogne

(Brouwerij Verhaeghe, Belgium, 6.2 % EtOH)

So, the Wikepedia article on this one hilariously states that, and I quote, "The name of the beer is meant to honor Duchess Mary of Burgundy, the sole daughter of Charles the Bold, born in Brussels in 1457, who died young in a horse riding accident." I guess if it's good enough for Superman, it's good enough for her, and a good enough story to become the namesake for a beer. Thankfully, I suffered no horse-related trauma either whilst purchasing or consuming this brew. I did discover that it's one of those "Flemish style" reds that are, as I learned recently, often sour. Like the Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour, only more balanced and toned down, like they were using jolly ranchers instead of lemonheads to achieve their puckering effect. To be perfectly honest I was pleasantly surprised; "Duchess" is a little sweet, modestly sour, a tad fruity (instead of, like, totally flaming) and overall quite mellow. I could definitely get cozy with a few of these fine retro ladies on a moonlit night. Mmmhmm.

3.5 Jenkins (Hopefully the wife didn't see that last part)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Arrogant Bastard Ale

(Stone Brewing Co., California, 7.2% EtOH)

My wife told me that this one would be very fitting for me. And I can tell you she was spot on! She’s always had good taste.

The back of every bottle of “Bastard” comes with a lengthy monologue that has very little to do with the beer itself, but everything to do with giving people who drink alone something to read (not...that I....ever do that...very often...). The website has even more jibber jabber about how they’re special and how YOU’RE special for liking their beer (You aren’t special. You’re reading this alone, in the dark, drunk and soiled, aren’t you? As if you had better things to do).

If you’re a fan of pale ales and IPA’s, this is a must-try. It’s assertive without being overly aggressive; it has a calculated balance of hop flavor and a distinct, desirable bitter finish. “Bastard” and I will meet again, I assure you.

4 Jenkins (This bastard is going to make me fat)

Monday, August 15, 2011

Urthel Samaranth Quadrium Ale

(De Leyerth Brouwerijen, Belgium, 11% EtOH)

It was a quaint storefront query that created this quest to quench my curiosity and quantify the quality of Quadrium’s questionable character quickly leading me to quaff a quart of this quaint Quadrupel cocktail; I initially quailed at the quandary I had caused, but, calming myself, I came to a conclusion concerning this quirky beverage whilst contemplating the quagmire of crapulence created by my own callous and careless consumption. (is alliteration dead?)

After that big pile of nothing, I’m sure my (two or three) readers are eager to see what I actually thought of this stuff. Well, for starters, it does not give very good head. Nope. Poor quality head. Just check the pic above.

The taste was crisp and smooth, so light, in fact, that the whopping 11% alcohol content pimp slaps you in the face with its ring-hand from lack of competitive flavor. Don’t misunderstand, the beer flavor itself is very nice, with a faintly sweet character and only a mild hoppiness, almost like an amber. The problem is that one is mostly overwhelmed by the “spirited” nature of this ale rather than the actual “taste” part. I will say this; by the time I was nearing the end of the bottle, I no longer cared what it, or anything else, tasted like.

3 Jenkins (Wheeeeeeeeee! *thud)

Friday, August 12, 2011

Delerium Nocturnum

(Brouwerij Huyghe, Belgium 8.5% EtOH)

All the buzz online about this stuff suggests that this is a whiz-bang high speed super special archetypal Belgian dark ale. I knew the moment I popped the cap that I was in for a treat. Mixed nuances of black sharpie pen, gasoline, and plum immediately wafted into my nostrils. The flavor was as robust and complex as it was unforgettable; my sensitive palate quickly discerned subtle notes of Robitussin, rich malts, and some kind of old timey spice (not to be confused with Old Spice...more like Dune, the novel, spice). Approximately halfway into the glass I could tell my gastrointestinal tract had confused my highly exotic Delerium Nocturnum with industrial solvent, and was plainly unhappy with me. I promptly punched myself in the stomach to teach my silly guts that they were going to shut up and appreciate this fine potation.

Sometimes intestines can be so gauche.

2 Jenkins (Beauty is in the eye of the beholder)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Hofbräu Original

(Staatliches Hofbräuhaus in Munich, Germany 5.1% EtOH)

This delightful lager is brewed, as expected, in accordance with ancient German purity law, the Reinheitsgebot, which explicitly states that no man or woman may be seen drinking less than one liter of beer in a public setting. Violation of this sacred doctrine is only possible if one obtains a special profile from the German government that, as a corollary, forces you to wear only Hello Kitty paraphernalia and bat one's eyelashes seductively at any nearby servicemen when going out of doors.

I last tasted this yummy libation when I was a mere lad of sixteen venturing out on a high school sponsored trip to Europe. All of us youngins' downed many a giant mug of the stuff in the fabled Hofbräuhaus of Munich (no one batted an eye; after all, the accepted drinking age in that region is 'breathing'), and refills were dutifully provided by the busty straw-haired serving wenches. It remains a beautiful memory of my childhood. (As an aside, if you are ever in the Hofbräuhaus, be very sweet and respectful to the serving wenches. They can easily break your wrists with their Popeye-sized forearms)

Anyway, this lager has a pleasant hoppy aroma, and goes down crisp and clean with a wonderfully nutty, modestly bitter aftertaste. It's not filling (which is good, considering the volumes one is expected to consume) and I would humbly recommend this to anyone looking for a go-to lager.

4.0 Jenkins (Oh, the good old days)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Carlo Rossi Chianti

Hi there everyone! The Jenkins's better half has taken over the blog tonight to bring you a review of a nice bottle ... errr jug ... of chianti by Carlo Rossi. So tonight was a pizza night and I figured that a glass of cheap red wine would go better with a cheap oven-bake pizza than a bottle of expensive exotic beer. The only thing we had in the house as far as red wine was concerned was a jug of Carlo Rossi Chianti. So that's what I had.

Now, I generally prefer drinking wine over beer because I'm pretty good at guessing what the notes in whatever wine I'm drinking wine are. The Jenkins and I have an ongoing contest where I have a taste of our evening bottle of wine and try to guess what the back of the bottle says it tastes like. So far I've been mostly dead on.
Back to the Carlo Rossi. This is definitely not a wine to impress your date with. But it's not bad either. It's dry and a bit sour; and it tastes like metallic green chiles with a bit of black pepper. It's decent red table wine that goes great with things like cheap pizza, or maybe Hot Pockets. Come to think of it, this wine definitely tastes processed. So yeah, drink it with a Hot Pocket or a cheap, oven-bake pizza or a heaping helping of Hamburger Helper, but get something a little better to go with your steak on the grill or beef burgundy.
Until next time,
The Muffin

2.5 Jenkins (It's good enough ...)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Celebrator Dopplebock

(Germany, Ayinger Brewery, 6.7% EtOH)

As soon as I saw that each bottle of this stuff had its own little unholy ivory goat medal necklace (see pic), as if each bottle got a participation award in some sort of goat-related tourney, I knew I just had to pick one up. The intensely dark brown color belied the tongue-humping malted richness in each sip. I think every bottle has its own flourishing, Renaissance level yeast civilizations all working toward the noble goal of converting my taste buds to their microscopic version of monotheism through their good works. That having been said, if you try to drink more than two of these, you're going to feel like you just ingested an undried cement shake. Go try one now.

4.5 Jenkins (Time to Celebrator)

Monk’s Cafe Flemish Sour Ale

(Belgium, Brouwerij Van Steenberge N.V,. 5.5 % EtOH)

What a way to start the blog. I snatched this on a whim and have had mixed feelings since first sip. Of course, the question of "what would happen if I dissolved a Lemonhead (it's a type of candy, eat one) in hard cider and then drank said concoction ...?" has been undeniably answered. At least the title isn't deceptive, although I can't recall what the Flemish taste like. Don't drink this one warm.

On a more generous note, it's much lighter on the stomach than the deep mahogany color would suggest, and I'm sure you could guzzle down pints of this stuff and suffer only from horrible acid reflux that evening.

2.5 Jenkins (I wouldn't turn down a free one)

Welcome to The Jenkins Beer Blog!

Greetings folks!
Everyone loves beer. Except the ones that don't; and that's how you tell if a person has a soul or not. This blog is a thinly veiled excuse for me to drink expensive beer every day, and then bring you, the people, my subjective and amatuerish findings. A small start for sure, but perhaps as the hazy months of blissful inebriation roll by, this will turn into something useful, or at least amusing, for someone. My wife has graciously offered to aid me in this endeavor, God help her. Perhaps, together, we can solve all the world's problems. Or at least forget what they were. Ein Prosit!

Beer Rating Scale: From 1 to 5 'Jenkins.' Take it or leave it.